


After December 20th

by Carebee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 02:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carebee/pseuds/Carebee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years after One Direction's disastrous breakup, Louis is an actor, and Harry is still Harry.  They meet again at a random party somewhere, and Louis finds himself thinking about the past way too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After December 20th

**Author's Note:**

> Another Larry story because I'm basically finishing all the one shots I've started in the past. This is one is the newest, and also the longest, so I hope you enjoy!

When Louis remembers December 20th, three years ago, he remembers the noise and the pain and the tears.  He remembers the sound of glasses breaking and Liam's persistent knocking.  He tries not to remember how dull Harry's eyes were, or how fast he spoke when he was stringing together messes of broken words.  Louis knows that it was entirely his fault.  He knows that if he hadn't been so stupid, they wouldn't be here right now, and Louis wouldn't be so drunk all the time.  Even three years later, it still hurts, and Louis still has to force himself out of bed every morning just to eat.

He just has Stan left, but only because Stan doesn't know Harry.  He doesn't know how horrible Louis must be to have broken a boy like that.  A boy with laughter like music and a smile that put anyone at ease.  Stan only knew Harry as Louis' bandmate, when really, he was so much more than that.  Harry was better than Louis and Stan combined.  Hell, Harry was better than anyone else Louis knew.

Stan was there though, and it was enough.  He brought over cases of beer when Louis was thinking too much, and he tolerated Louis' shitty apartment, and Louis' shitty food, and Louis' shitty company.  Stan kept Louis going, and that was enough.

***************

Louis had an interview in five minutes, and his stylist was hard at work trying to erase dark circles and tear stains and years of sadness.  It was helping, but Louis saw right past it, to his haunted face underneath.  He hoped the audience wouldn't notice, because he didn't need their scrutiny.

"You're all set, Louis.". He flashed the girl a weak smile, and stepped to his mark.  The interviewer, a middle-aged woman with a crooked smile, was someone he'd never met before.  Usually he'd at least seen them before, somewhere along his timeline, but this one was new.  She gave him his cue, and he stepped onto the set, putting on his best fake smile, and trying his best not to show anything amiss.  He gave the woman a quick hug, and sat down across from her.

"So, Louis, your new movie, Next on the List, comes out next week; is there anything you can tell us about that?" Louis relaxed back into his chair and took a deep breath.

"Well, I can tell you that it's a spy movie, but not a standard spy movie.  Instead, it's about a guy who hires a professional spy to hunt down each and every person on this list.  He realizes his wife is on the list, so he has to decide what's more important.  I play the spy, Derrick Sands."  He explained.  It was the same generic explanation every single time, but no one seemed to notice, so he continued to use it.

"It's gotten some fabulous reviews so far, and it hasn't even come out yet.  Did you enjoy filming it?"

"Well of course.  This movie was A lot of fun because it was action, as well as romance, and also a little bit of comedy too.  The writers did a fantastic job on it, so I can't complain."  the interviewer smiled at him, though it was obviously fake.  He had a feeling the interview was about to change angles, and his smile faded slightly.

"You used to be a member of One Direction, right?". It wasn't a question, and yet at the same time, it was.  His eyes narrowed, but he kept his smile to try and hide his uncomfort.  He nodded.

"What's the difference then, between acting and singing?". Louis wasnt convinced, but this question was easy.  He answered this question in his own mind almost every day.  
"Well, singing gives you this unexplainable high.  It's quite magical really, the relationship between the audience and the performer.  It's an incredible feeling to have thousands of people screaming out the words to your songs.  It's sort of surreal.  But at the same time, acting is like becoming another person.  You are making a gift for people to enjoy.". The interviewer seemed surprised at his response, not imagining that he'd have so much to say about it.

"Wow.  Which one do you prefer?"

"Now, I have to say acting.  Back then, I would've said singing without even thinking about it.  Things change I guess."

"Do you still keep in contact with your bandmates?". Louis swallowed thickly and gripped the arms of the chair.  He knew, going into this profession, that something like this would happen sometime.

"Not really."

"Even Harry?  You two seemed very close.". Louis tried his hardest not to flinch at the mention of Harry, and the memories it brought to mind.  "I mean, look at you two."  
Louis tried to tell himself not to look.  He was starting to forget what Harry looked like and it made everything so so much easier when Louis couldn't picture Harry.  But there it was, a picture of them taken so long ago Louis couldn't even remember who took it.  Louis had his hands on either side of Harry's face, and he had been trying to kiss his cheek.  It was from the X Factor, and Louis remembers the moment clearly.

_“Haz,” Louis whined, leaning against Harry’s arm._

_“What, Lou?” he replied, playfully shoving Louis away as if he didn’t want him there.  Louis grinned madly and reached for Harry’s face to get as close as possible.  Harry noticed the camera flash on, but Louis didn’t, as he continued to try and kiss Harry’s cheek.  Harry kept his arms outstretched to try and keep Louis away, but they were both smiling._

_“I’m going to get you, H!”  Harry detached himself from Louis and ran in the opposite direction, almost tripping over his feet in excitement.  When Louis had finally caught Harry, it was in one of the empty storage rooms used for the show.  Harry looked beautiful beneath him, and he had almost kissed him right there.  But Niall had opened the door just then, and told them it was time to work on their choreography._

The audience aw's and he is thrust back into the present.  He has to force himself to look away from the picture, away from Harry's young innocent face, so he can get out of this interview without royally screwing things up.

"Even Harry.". He says simply, unable to say anything else.  If the interview noticed his awkwardness, she didn’t seem to care.

"So what happened then, to make you two not talk?"   _I fell in love with him_ , he thought.

"We just sort of faded.  Nothing specific." After the nasty breakup of the band, they'd all agreed that it'd be best if only they knew how nasty it was.  It was for the best, they all agreed.

"There've been rumors floating around that you all had a very nasty fallout.  Is that true?". Louis fists clenched tighter, and he immediately started thinking about which one of their "friends" had leaked the information.  One of Harry's hipster friends maybe, or someone from their old management team.  "Apparently it was something between you and Harry.  Is that true?"

"No," he answered through the clenched teeth of a fake smile.  Finally, the interviewer let hhit go, bringing the topic back to his new movie.  Louis' fists gradually unclenched until he was bantering with the interviewer like old friends.

 

When Louis finally walked backstage again, he slumped against the wall and took a few jdeep breaths. Even just saying Harry's name was difficult for him, let alone thinking about their fight.  It had been Louis' fault, all of it.  He'd been the one to push Harry away.  He was the one that got Eleanor involved.

“Hey, Lou, you did great.”  Louis looked up to see stylist crouching down in front of him with a fond smile on her face.  He liked her because she didn’t know about anything he’d done, so she was innocent enough to be a good friend.

“Thanks, Alise.  Your makeup did the trick,” he joked, smiling at her.  She didn’t seem convinced, and she still stared at him like something was wrong.  He supposed the redness of his eyes gave him away.  Not even her makeup could hide that.

“What happened, Lou?  Why are you always so sad?”  Louis met her eyes and smiled sadly.  He almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation.  A few years ago, he never would’ve pictured himself here, so obviously miserable.

“I’m not sure I want to tell you yet.  It’ll only make you hate me like everyone else does.”  Alise blinked once and then sighed.

“Alright.  I guess I’ll just have to befriend you then,” she said simply.  Louis realized almost instantly after the words were out of her mouth that he liked her a lot.  While most people would try to push him into explaining himself, she just accepted that he wasn’t ready, and that was it.

 

Over the next few weeks, Alise and Louis grew closer and closer.  When Louis’ movie came out, she was the one that accompanied him to the premier.  She made witty comments throughout the entire thing, and Louis was grateful because it made it a lot easier to watch his own movie.  She made fun of him and poked fun at the writing, but it made him laugh, as he knew she was just joking around.  Afterward, she told him it was a fantastic movie, and that his acting was slightly above average, which made him laugh again.

They ate lunch together whenever they both had time, which usually involved lots of shared stories from their childhoods.  Sometimes, Louis treated her to a One Direction story, but he always minimized his use of Harry’s name, just to make it easier.  If she noticed, she didn’t comment, and for that, Louis was grateful.

Louis loved being friends with Alise because it was easy, and she was genuinely funny and nice.

 

“Gary came by this morning to ask if he could borrow some sugar.  Do you think that means he’s trying to find reasons to see me?”  Louis shrugged and took another sip of his tea.  Alise was trying to get advice from him about a guy she liked, a guy who lived in her apartment.

“It could be.  Or he just needed sugar.”  Alise rolled her eyes and huffed.  “But see, if he comes back again, it could be.”  Alise nodded and stood up.

“Thanks, Lou, but I’ve got to go.  I’m meeting a friend for lunch.  Text me, okay?” Louis nodded and watched as she walked away with her coffee in hand.  He quickly finished his own tea, and then went back to his flat.

 

_My friend just invited me to this party at her house tomorrow night, u wanna go?  She’s got a great place and I can introduce u to some of my friends –A_

Louis considered it for a moment, and then decided it would be great to get out of the house.  He’d been to parties, sure, but he hadn’t in a while.  Maybe it was time to get drunk somewhere other than his living room.

_Sure :) txt me the address_

 

By the time tomorrow night rolled around, Louis was starting to regret his decision to go.  He wasn’t going to know anyone there other than Alise, and he wasn’t really keen on making friends.  But there was not backing out now, because Alise would likely kill him, since he was giving her a ride.

When he was finally ready to go, he was a few minutes later than he wanted to be.  He figured Alise wouldn’t care, but he rushed out the door anyway, grabbing his phone and his keys on the way out.  He put on his favorite radio station that played all of his favorite music, and set off to Alise’s flat.

“Hey, Lou,” she greeted as she got into the car.

“Hi.”

“Ready?”

“I suppose so.”

The party was only a few minutes away from Alise’s house, so they got there fairly quickly.  There were cars everywhere, and they had to search for a good ten minutes before they found a parking spot two blocks away.  When they reached the penthouse floor of the building, where the party was being held, Louis was overwhelmed by the amount of people there.  The music was pounding and people were dancing, some already buzzed from their first or second drink.  Alise immediately dragged him across the room, presumably to meet her friends.

“Gemma!” Alise called, tapping a girl on the shoulder.  The girl turned around, and Louis’ breath caught in his throat.  Harry’s sister stared back at him, recognition passing over her features.

“Gemma,” he muttered under his breath.  Gemma’s eyes narrowed, and Louis tried not to crack under her stare.  He’d been trying to stay away from this side of his life for the longest time, but now it was catching up with him.  Alise stared back in forth between them for a second before it seemed to dawn on her.

“You two know each other?” she asked.  Louis looked over at her and tried to convey the message with his eyes.  He had to get out of here now, before Gemma could corner him.

“My brother was in his band,” Gemma explained simply, her eyes still locked on Louis. 

“Oh.  Right.”  Louis ignored her and stared at the ground, finally breaking eye contact with Gemma.  He still felt his eyes on her after he looked away.

“Well it was fabulous seeing you again, but I really better be going.  I was just giving Alise a ride, so, um.”  He looked up at Alise, who was giving him a very concerned look.  Gemma’s eyes had narrowed even further, and she didn’t seem very convinced.

“What are you talking about, Lou?”  Alise asked, raising an eyebrow.  Gemma reached out and grabbed Louis’ arm, but he avoided it and turned around.  He hurried in the other direction as fast as he could, swerving through dancing couples and chatting friends, headed straight for the door.  He was almost there when he ran straight into something tall and soft, slowing down his progress.  He muttered an apology and was about to turn away when someone said his name.  He looked up, and there was Harry, staring down at his with his green eyes and his floppy hair.

“Louis,” he stammered.  Harry reached out a hand as if to touch him, but then thought better of it and it fell back to his side.  Louis stared at Harry with his eyes wide, trying desperately to force himself to turn away.

“Louis, we have to…”  Gemma cut herself off as soon as she noticed Harry, and her eyes went wide as she looked between them.  Harry looked over at his sister, and then back at Louis again, as if unsure.  Alise caught up a moment later, and attached herself to Louis’ side so she could lean up to whisper in his ear.

“What is going on, Louis?” she asked, concern filling her voice.  Louis looked over at her and sighed, leaning on her just a bit so he didn’t fall over.  Everyone was looking at him for answers, answers that he didn’t have.

“Harry, this is Alise.  Alise, this is Harry.”  Recognition passed over Alise’s face, as she seemed to realize what was happening.  Louis had never outright told Alise what had happened between them, but he had mentioned that it wasn’t friendly.

“Well I’m going to go try and find Gary, okay Lou?”  Louis nodded, but he didn’t even bother to look at her.  He barely noticed that she was gone.

“Louis can I talk to you, please?” Gemma asked through clenched teeth.  She didn’t wait for an answer, but instead dragged him into a nearby room, leaving Harry standing alone in the center of the party.  He turned to look at Gemma, who was staring at him with a look that was akin to pity.

“What, Gemma?”

“Louis, I need you to tell me why you left.”  Louis sighed and sat down on the bed in the center of the room.

 

_“Harry?” Louis called as he walked inside the flat.  He set his keys on the table next to the door and continued into the room, looking around to try and find the familiar head of curly brown hair._

_When he didn’t find it in the living room, he continued to search the other rooms of their flat, finally finding Harry in a room he’d never think of.  He was in their office, scribbling away on a piece of paper.  Louis could tell even before Harry turned around that he was stressed, just by the way his fingers were clenched around the pen that he held in his hand.  He took a hesitant step forward and Harry turned around to face him._

_“Louis, where have you been?” he asked.  The curly haired boy seemed to be mad at him, although Louis couldn’t think of a reason why._

_“I was out with Eleanor.”_

Gemma cleared her throat and Louis looked up at her, thankful to be drawn out of the painful memory.  It had been the start of a series of events that lead to their fight, and it was Louis’ fault.  He was surprised Gemma could even stand to be in the same room as him.

“It was better that way.  It was all my fault, and I didn’t want to hurt Harry anymore,” he murmured, staring at the ground.  He felt Gemma’s eyes on him, and he could almost imagine the hate that would be buried there.

“You absolute idiot!” she hissed.  Louis looked up at her and shrugged, waiting for the inevitable rage that would follow.  It would’ve happened with Nick when Louis accidentally ran into him at Tesco, but he had escaped before Nick even had the chance to realize who he was.  There was no escaping Gemma, even though he wanted to.

Louis looked up at her, pursing his lips.  She wasn’t yelling at him yet, which surprised him, and he wondered what was holding her back.  She sat down next to him on the bed and sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand.  Louis’ eyes narrowed in confusion, as she seemed to be more disappointed than angry.

“Louis, why did you really leave?” she inquired, meeting his eyes.  Louis opened his mouth as if to reply, but then he shut it again as he realized what she had said.

“I- what?”

“I know you didn’t leave just because you thought it would be better not to hurt Harry anymore.  I mean, I’m sure that was part of it, but I know that wasn’t the only reason,” she explained.  Louis huffed and looked away.  Gemma was right, there was another reason, one he was a lot less comfortable with.

“Gemma.”

“Louis.”  She obviously wasn’t going to let this go until he told her, especially since it involved her brother.  Before, when the band was still together, Gemma had been his second sister, the sister he went to when he needed advice.  His other sisters were too young, but Gemma was older, and she had a lot more advice to give.  He’d confided in her many times, and she probably knew him well enough to know what he was really feeling.

“I suppose I was a little bit afraid of what would happen.  Harry wanted to come out, and I wasn’t ever going to be ready for that.  At least, I don’t think so.  I hung onto Eleanor to try and make things easier, but the rumors kept flying.  I guess I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore.  I was never good enough for him anyway.  He deserves someone who’s ready to be with him.”  Gemma wrapped an arm around his should and pulled him into her chest, rubbing his shoulder soothingly.  It surprised him, but he relaxed into her touch, and hid his tears in her shirt.  She didn’t say anything for a while, but when she did, she pushed him away so that she could look him in the eye.

“You idiot.  You were always good enough for Harry.  Everyone knew it: the boys, Nick, your mum, me, even Harry.  It was just you that thought it wasn’t going to work.  Harry never would’ve left you.  Ever.  He would’ve helped you through the backlash and everything that came after the two of you coming out, and you would’ve gotten through it.  Together.  This thing that you have, this life, it isn’t healthy.  I’m not going to tell you what to do because that’s not my job, but you have to talk to him.”  She didn’t even wait for a response before she got up and walked out of the room, leaving him alone on the bed.  He wiped at his tears furiously, and tried to consider Gemma’s advice, but he just couldn’t do it.  Even if Gemma didn’t hate him, Harry probably did.

 

_“Eleanor?  Why, Lou?  It was supposed to be our night tonight.”  Louis shrugged, and took a few steps closer to Harry.  The younger boy stood up and backed away._

_“The rumors were getting worse.  Management agreed that it would be best to send us on a nice outing together, to calm things down,” he explained, reaching for Harry again.  This time, Harry didn’t back away, and allowed Louis to grab his hand._

_“Lou, I’m ready to come out.  I’ve told you that before.  I would never push you to do anything, but why aren’t you?”  Louis sighed and leaned into Harry’s chest, his breaths calming down as Harry’s warm arms surrounded him._

_“I’m just not ready yet, Harry.  Do you understand that?”_

_“Of course, Lou.  I would wait forever for you.”  Louis sighed and relaxed into Harry’s arms.  He changed the subject before Harry could say anything else, as he did every time the subject came up.  He knew Harry wasn’t going to be able to wait for him much longer, and he knew there wasn’t much he could do to avoid the fallout that was inevitable._

When Louis woke up the next morning, Alise was leaning up against the wall next to his bed, looking at something on her phone.

“Agh!” he screeched, sitting up in his bed.  He wasn’t sure how she had gotten in, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.  She certainly hadn’t been there when he went to sleep.

“Oh good, Lou, you’re up.  Want to explain that whole situation with Gemma and the guy with the curly hair?  Since you left me at the party without a ride home, I think you oew me at least that,” she insisted, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice.  She had known there were things she didn’t know about Louis, but she hadn’t realized that there were things that could cause the amount of distress she had seen in his eyes last night.  When Alise had been unable to find him a few minutes later, she had started to worry, and she called his phone frantically for a few minutes before she found Gemma.  Gemma bitterly told her that Louis had probably gone home to wallow in his grief.

“Oh god, Alise, I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t care, L, I just want to know what happened.”  Louis swallowed and proceeded to tell her everything.  He started from the very beginning, from the X Factor, and then went all the way to the end, explaining why he decided to leave the band.  She seemed surprised that he was the reason for the breakup, but she didn’t say anything until he was done, tears streaking down his face.

“Listen, Lou.  Do you want my advice?”  Louis nodded slightly.  “Talk to him.  You obviously love him more than life itself, even after all these years.  Tell him you’re an idiot, and see what happens.  Maybe, just maybe, he will forgive you.”

 

Alise left a few minutes later, claiming that she had plans, but not before Louis stole Gemma’s number out of her phone.  He hoped she’d pick up, because Louis knew exactly what he had to do.  Luckily, she answered on the second ring.

“Hello?” she asked, seeming distracted.

“Gemma?  Hi.  I need you to tell me where Harry lives.”  She didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and Louis grew more anxious with every breath she took.  If Gemma wouldn’t give him the address, his apology would be a lot more difficult to make.

“Why?”  Louis gave her a quick summary of his plan, and afterward, she told him the address.

“I swear to god, Louis Tomlinson, if you hurt my brother again, I will not hesitate to kill you,” she threatened.  Louis laughed and  gave her his word before hurrying out of the house to get what he needed.

 

His plan wasn’t really that complicated, nor was it very well thought out, but it did require that he make quite a few calls.  On the way to Harry’s flat, he texted Alise to let her know what he was doing, and he called his mum to tell her that he was finally going to put things right.

“Finally.  Good luck, boobear,” his mum told him as soon as the words were out of his mouth.  She gave him a few words of encouragement, and then hung up the phone so he could focus on driving.

When he hung up with his mother, the full extent of what he was about to do hit him, and his heart started beating incredibly fast.  Louis wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it if Harry turned him down, but he knew it was a longshot anyway.  He’d broken Harry’s heart, plain and simple, and he hoped Harry was able to forgive him for that.

He was so lost in his thoughts he almost missed the turn into the parking lot underneath Harry’s flat.  The lot was full of expensive cars, but he was able to pick out Harry’s Range Rover and his Audi within seconds.  He had been dating Harry when he’d first bought them, and he was actually with Harry when he bought the Audi.  Louis was the only person other than Harry allowed to drive it, although he only did it once.

He typed in the passcode to get into the building the way Gemma told him, and then steeled himself, and walked inside.  He walked past the front desk without saying a word, although none of them even looked up when he walked past.  He was grateful, because he really didn’t want to deal with anyone other than Harry right now.

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of Harry’s door, staring at the little gold two.  He braced himself a raised his hand as if to knock.

“You can do this, Louis,” he whispered to himself.  Before he could talk himself out of it, he knocked four times on the wooden door, and the stepped back to wait for Harry to answer.  The door swung open and Louis blinked a few times before saying anything.

“Niall,” he whispered.  Niall seemed beyond confused to find Louis standing on the other side of Harry’s door, and Louis didn’t blame him.  Louis hadn’t even considered what he would do if Harry had people over.

“Louis.  Um, what do you need?” he asked, and the awkwardness between them was palpable.  Louis sighed thinking about the relationship they used to have, and he hoped that if things worked out with Harry, maybe they could all be friends again.

“I—well I really need to talk to Harry, if that’s possible.”  Niall hesitated, as if he was considering just closing the door in Louis’ face.

“Yeah, yeah okay.”  Loiuis sighed in relief and watched as Niall walked away to find the curly haired lad.  Louis considered going inside, but then he decided that it probably wouldn’t be a good idea.  It was better just to stay outside where he could make a quick getaway if he needed to.

“Louis.”  His head shot up, and sure enough, there was Harry, wearing his standard skinny jeans and his Ramones shirt.  That shirt was at least seven years old, maybe even more than that, and Louis vaguely remembered the last time Harry had worn it.  They’d gone out to get coffee, and they’d talked about what they’d do after the band, when they decided to move on and grow up.  He remembered Harry saying that he didn’t really care where they ended up, as long as Louis was by his side. 

 

_Louis sighed and looked around the flat he shared with Harry.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to stay here any longer.  It was only a matter of time before the boys arrived, and he told them that he was leaving the band.  It would be easier for all of them if he wasn’t around anymore to screw everything up.  He figured that it would be especially good for Harry, because he could move on and find someone else, someone better, that would be able to make him happy_

_“Louis?  We’re all here.”  Louis turned around and saw all the other boys filing through the door, Harry among them.  He’d been at Niall’s when Louis called the meeting, and Louis was sure they’d asked him what was going on.  Louis hadn’t told him, so he was just as innocent as the others._

_“Hey guys.”  They all sat down in Harry and Louis’ living room, pressed up against each other on their couch.  Louis looked down at them all and smiled fondly.  He was going to miss this._

_“What’s up, Lou?” Niall asked, leaning back and wrapping his arm around Liam’s shoulder.  Louis sat down across from them and took a deep breath._

_“I’m going over to Syco this afternoon, but I want you four to be the first to know.  I’m leaving the band.”  All four of them stared at Louis in shock, and no one said anything for a few minutes._

The next hour after that was a bit hazy to Louis.  There was a lot of screaming from all five of them, but especially Harry.  Harry had screamed and cried and demanded to know why Louis was doing this, why he was leaving them.  Liam had tried to get him to think of the fans, and everyone else.  Zayn had just sat and stared at Louis, his face a picture of disappointment.  Niall had been the one forced to try to calm Harry and Liam down, and he really did try.  Eventually, he just gave up, and let them, but he couldn’t even meet Louis’ eye.

“Louis?”  Louis shook his head and ignored the memory, focusing on Harry in front of him.

“Oh.  Sorry.  I just—sorry.  Hi,” Louis muttered, stumbling over his words.  He didn’t imagine that he’d be quite so flustered, but he also hadn’t expected that Harry would be wearing a shirt that held so many memories for them both.

“Hi,” Harry replied.  Louis almost laughed at how adorable Harry looked with his confused face, though he restrained himself because he wasn’t sure how well that would be taken.

“Harry, I know I’ve been a dick the past few years,” he started, sticking with the speech he’d prepared on the way over.  Harry raised an eyebrow as if daring him to continue, and instantly, that speech was thrown out the window.

“Yeah, I’d say so,” Harry agreed, not even bothering to make Louis feel better.  He supposed he deserved every minute of it, since he really had been a total dick.

“Actually, I’ve been more than a dick.  I’ve been _horrible_ to you, and to the boys.  To everyone really.  I shouldn’t have left, Harry.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  Well, I do.  I was terrified, Harry, I was terrified about coming out and I thought that if I got away, I wouldn’t have to face my fears.  I never deserved you, Harry.  I left because I wanted you to find someone better, someone who would be able to handle the backlash.

“I’m not trying to get you to forgive me, Haz, because I know it was shit and honestly, you shouldn’t forgive me.  But I just—I love you, Harry, I still love you after all this time.  You’ve always been my weakness, and fuck.  I’ve screwed this all up, haven’t I?  My apology was supposed to be better than this.

“But anyway, I got us some tickets to Leed’s Fest this weekend.  I don’t expect you to forgive me, or go with me, or anything really, but I just thought I’d offer.  If you want to go, just, uh, come to my flat on Friday, any time before four, and we can take the train or something.  You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”  Louis held out Harry’s ticket and waited anxiously as Harry studied it, as if he was considering taking it.  Louis let go of the ticket once he was sure Harry had it, and he met Harry’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Harry whispered.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything, I just—I’m ready now.  It took me three years of being a bloody idiot, but I’m ready.  I’m so fucking sorry for being such a fucking dick, and I hope you can give me another chance.”  Harry stared back at him for another moment, and then nodded.

“I’ll think about it,” he said.

“Thank you.”  The door swung shut and Louis let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  An ‘I’ll think about it’ was so much better than a ‘no’, because at least there was a chance.  He just had to wait until Friday, and see what happened.

 

When Friday came around, Louis spent most of the day on the couch with his bag packed in the other room.  He tried to distract himself by watching old movies and messing around on the internet, but he found that it was almost impossible to forget what could possibly happen today.  The time moved slower than Louis even realized was possible, and he found that none of the movies he usually loved were distracting him at all.  The hours ticked by ever so slowly, but before he knew it, it was almost five o’clock, and Harry hadn’t shown up yet. 

He had pretty much resigned himself to the fact that Harry wasn’t coming when there was a knock on the door.  He sprung to his feet and ran over to the door, opening it so quickly he almost hit himself in the face.  When he saw that it was Harry on the other side, he couldn’t control the grin that covered his face.

“Thank _god_ ,” Louis breathed.  He wanted desperately to wrap his arms around the younger boy, but he didn’t know if Harry would like that, or if it would make him leave.  Before Louis knew what was happening, Harry’s lips were on his, and the bag Harry had been carrying was forgotten.  Harry’s lips were so _familiar_ and wonderful and Louis wondered how he had survived three years without ever feeling Harry’s lips on his, or Harry’s arms around his waist.

When they broke apart, it was only because they were both out of breath, and Harry let his forehead rest against Louis’

“I forgive you, Louis,” he whispered, a slight smile gracing his face.  Louis was so unbelievably happy, he was crying, and he didn’t even bother to try and wipe them away.  He chuckled softly and kissed Harry again, just because he could.

“God I love you, Hazza,” Louis told him.

“I love you too, Lou.”  Harry looked down at his bare wrist and smiled at the realization that he’d have another Leeds bracelet to wear.

“Shall we go?” Harry asked, reaching down to pick up his bag off the floor.  Louis nodded and the two of them ran out to Harry’s car, their faces lit up with goofy smiles.


End file.
